When someone hears the word "addiction" they think drugs and/or alcohol. So many forget about the addictions that can do the same amount of damage to a person. It took me a long time to finally realize that I have an addiction. Have you evere thought if you have one or not? Are you in denial? It is scary to ome to terms to the fact that you are not helping yourself.
What is my addiction? Well I have more than one- all in the same catergory- FOOD
I am addicted to:
Fast Food
Soda
Candy
Cookies
Cakes
all kinds of sweets....
For a few weeks (ok more like a month or more) I was spending money at the Burger King here on base and getting a Double Stacker, with a large fry, and a large Dr. Pepper. I couldn't help myself. We have food in the house- plenty to make whatever I want- but I coulnd't go without it- so I thought. But today I did not get fast food.
Soda is hard to not drink- I need to drnk more water... but that is easier said than done. For some reason I can drink a juice, tea, coffee, milk, water- ANYTHING- but my craving is always there. But today I did not have a soda.
Candy, cookies, all those sweet yummy tasty goodies- get me every time. Today candy won. We have begun to not even buy sweets of any kind- but I just feel like I NEED it.
Some may say this is too silly to call an addiction. Well the definition of addiction is:
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming
I am pretty sure that I have a addiction. My addicton is real- and while it may not be life threatening righ now- in ten years it might be.
My husband tries so very hard to help me with my issue. We are trying to be better with finances and my spending on sweets, soda, and fastfood can add up. So not only am I trying to take control but I want to save money too.
And though my addiction got the best of me today- tomorrow it won't.
I am OBESE
I have trouble CHASING AFTER MY TWO YEAR OLD
I HURT every day
I CRAVE the bad stuff
I want to be HEALTHY
I want to RUN after my little man
I want to BE A BETTER ME!
Proud To Be An American
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Their Reality vs My Reality___perfection isnt everything
I have come to the conclusion that I am amazing at making plans and SAYING I am going to lose wieght and be better with anything and everything.
What people say my reality should be:
A happy 2 yr old- no health issues at all- not even a cold
A smart 2 yr old- I should be teaching him multiplication by now
I shoul have a spotless house- I should be able to lick the floor
The car and truck- should look brand new
I should be 125 lbs
I should be motivated
I should have a job on top of school and having a little one and husband.
I shouldnt mention I was in the military- cause lets face it- I dont look I have served a day in my life.
Looks are everything- dont EVER leave the house is an oversized sweater and sweatpants
4.0 gpa- nothing less
My reality is:
I cant find motivation. I know what I need to do- just cant get myself there. I hear from others "it's easy" "you just do it"... Sounds simple right? It isn't always that easy. I know I have a lot to live for- losing wieght can help prolong the length of time I am here on this earth- However- making me feel horrible because I obviously "don't want to be able to keep up with my child"- that solves nothing. BTW I still wiegh over 200lbs... but I did lose 5lbs in the past few months- a small difference is better than nothing.
My reality is:
I have piles of dirty clothes- that when they get cleaned- never end up getting put away. I have dirty dishes sitting in my sink. No excuse for my house not being spotless- I get it- I can be a sucky housewife... But the couch and food and soda and movies sound better than standing on my feet and walking up and down the stairs. Sounds pathetic right? I agree. I am trying to slowly get rid of this fastfood and soda craving I have ALL THE TIME.
My reality is:
My son has asthma, he attends daycare, he is a brilliant angel- with a temper to go with being 2 yrs old. I am sorry if he screams in the store- stare harder- see if I care. I have seen that little boy bring out the best in people- so how you feel about him right now is pointless- he is amazing.
My reality is:
i dont have a 4.0 gpa- I have a 3.6 gpa- I am on the honor roll. I am proud of myself- so kiss my butt
My reality is:
I may not LOOK like I was ever in the military- but talk to me. I am proud to have served and will NEVER keep that in. The chance to wear the unifom for 4 years- priceless.
I am trying to remmber that even though others have this "reality" for me- it doesn't mean I HAVE to be apart of it. I love my husband, I love my son- and I am struggling with the drive and motivation to GET MOVING. I have a bad temper(just ask the hubs! haha) I am a full time student- and I am getting better grades than I thought I could.
Somedays- like today- I find it hard to get out of the house and DO something. But I have a friends dog to take for a walk- which means I will be taking a walk and helping a friend. It is a plus for me, my friend, and her dog. It isnt much but it is something. So I am making to elaborate PLAN to be a better me. I am taking it one day at a time. I may not clean today- but today I got out of the house. Tomorrow- I might struggle to just get off the couch- But I will take on that fight tomorrow.
I feel the need to send a shout out to the most amazing hsuband ever. He puts up with my temper and criticism... He loves me- even though I am a chunky gal. He is an incredible dad. He is my rock <3
I am working on today- tomorrow can wait!
What people say my reality should be:
A happy 2 yr old- no health issues at all- not even a cold
A smart 2 yr old- I should be teaching him multiplication by now
I shoul have a spotless house- I should be able to lick the floor
The car and truck- should look brand new
I should be 125 lbs
I should be motivated
I should have a job on top of school and having a little one and husband.
I shouldnt mention I was in the military- cause lets face it- I dont look I have served a day in my life.
Looks are everything- dont EVER leave the house is an oversized sweater and sweatpants
4.0 gpa- nothing less
My reality is:
I cant find motivation. I know what I need to do- just cant get myself there. I hear from others "it's easy" "you just do it"... Sounds simple right? It isn't always that easy. I know I have a lot to live for- losing wieght can help prolong the length of time I am here on this earth- However- making me feel horrible because I obviously "don't want to be able to keep up with my child"- that solves nothing. BTW I still wiegh over 200lbs... but I did lose 5lbs in the past few months- a small difference is better than nothing.
My reality is:
I have piles of dirty clothes- that when they get cleaned- never end up getting put away. I have dirty dishes sitting in my sink. No excuse for my house not being spotless- I get it- I can be a sucky housewife... But the couch and food and soda and movies sound better than standing on my feet and walking up and down the stairs. Sounds pathetic right? I agree. I am trying to slowly get rid of this fastfood and soda craving I have ALL THE TIME.
My reality is:
My son has asthma, he attends daycare, he is a brilliant angel- with a temper to go with being 2 yrs old. I am sorry if he screams in the store- stare harder- see if I care. I have seen that little boy bring out the best in people- so how you feel about him right now is pointless- he is amazing.
My reality is:
i dont have a 4.0 gpa- I have a 3.6 gpa- I am on the honor roll. I am proud of myself- so kiss my butt
My reality is:
I may not LOOK like I was ever in the military- but talk to me. I am proud to have served and will NEVER keep that in. The chance to wear the unifom for 4 years- priceless.
I am trying to remmber that even though others have this "reality" for me- it doesn't mean I HAVE to be apart of it. I love my husband, I love my son- and I am struggling with the drive and motivation to GET MOVING. I have a bad temper(just ask the hubs! haha) I am a full time student- and I am getting better grades than I thought I could.
Somedays- like today- I find it hard to get out of the house and DO something. But I have a friends dog to take for a walk- which means I will be taking a walk and helping a friend. It is a plus for me, my friend, and her dog. It isnt much but it is something. So I am making to elaborate PLAN to be a better me. I am taking it one day at a time. I may not clean today- but today I got out of the house. Tomorrow- I might struggle to just get off the couch- But I will take on that fight tomorrow.
I feel the need to send a shout out to the most amazing hsuband ever. He puts up with my temper and criticism... He loves me- even though I am a chunky gal. He is an incredible dad. He is my rock <3
I am working on today- tomorrow can wait!
Monday, September 9, 2013
How Life Changes-my new day zero
Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last posted- a long while actually...
I do believe it is time for an update:
Marriage is hard- extended family is hard- military life is hard- raising your children is hard. That being said it is crazy how strong people can be. I have been out of the military for going on 9 months- and I still miss it. I miss it so much so I never realized how hard it was affecting me. I have told so many- that if you are in the military and you struggle with fitness- try your hardest to keep in shape- and when you think you are trying your hardest try harder. I can not believe I still dwell on the past- I believe I am not the only person that does this. The past few weeks have been eye opening. My family and I are preparing for our first PCS (moving to another base)- we have had financial struggles- and right now we are living in an apartment so tiny that our almost 2 year old has had enough! Through everything john and I have been through- we have always come out the other end twice as strong.
Today I woke up with a whole new mindset. The past is the past and I can not change it. However, I can mold my future. Yes I got put out of the military for fitness- but being put out of the military has made me have to face myself and the change I have yet to make. We all struggle with some form of depression- some more severe than others. There are a lot of us that are in denial. I admit- I have been depressed over how my life was turning out. I know that this road to a new me- and this road that my family is going to need to help me with will not be easy- but I think after all the "talk" about changing it is about time I do something about it.
So here is day zero- today I will be me- I will be happy- I will enjoy the scary thoughts of our future.
My husband and I have some choices to make about our family and questions to answer. Do we put Easten back in base daycare, do we let him go to a home daycare. What will I go to school for? Will I put my GI Bill to good use? Will I work AND go to school? will my husbands new job be more demanding? Will be closer to family be a good thing or bad? Will I continue to get along with my husbands side of the family?
Today is my NEW day zero- today I will be me- today I will be happy- TODAY I will enjoy the scary thoughts of our future. WASHINGTON DC HERE WE COME!!!!!!
I do believe it is time for an update:
Marriage is hard- extended family is hard- military life is hard- raising your children is hard. That being said it is crazy how strong people can be. I have been out of the military for going on 9 months- and I still miss it. I miss it so much so I never realized how hard it was affecting me. I have told so many- that if you are in the military and you struggle with fitness- try your hardest to keep in shape- and when you think you are trying your hardest try harder. I can not believe I still dwell on the past- I believe I am not the only person that does this. The past few weeks have been eye opening. My family and I are preparing for our first PCS (moving to another base)- we have had financial struggles- and right now we are living in an apartment so tiny that our almost 2 year old has had enough! Through everything john and I have been through- we have always come out the other end twice as strong.
Today I woke up with a whole new mindset. The past is the past and I can not change it. However, I can mold my future. Yes I got put out of the military for fitness- but being put out of the military has made me have to face myself and the change I have yet to make. We all struggle with some form of depression- some more severe than others. There are a lot of us that are in denial. I admit- I have been depressed over how my life was turning out. I know that this road to a new me- and this road that my family is going to need to help me with will not be easy- but I think after all the "talk" about changing it is about time I do something about it.
So here is day zero- today I will be me- I will be happy- I will enjoy the scary thoughts of our future.
My husband and I have some choices to make about our family and questions to answer. Do we put Easten back in base daycare, do we let him go to a home daycare. What will I go to school for? Will I put my GI Bill to good use? Will I work AND go to school? will my husbands new job be more demanding? Will be closer to family be a good thing or bad? Will I continue to get along with my husbands side of the family?
Today is my NEW day zero- today I will be me- today I will be happy- TODAY I will enjoy the scary thoughts of our future. WASHINGTON DC HERE WE COME!!!!!!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Since my last post
It has been about a year sice my last post. So I figured I needed to make an update.
My husband deployed last year in october and came back in april. Our son was almost 7 months old when he returned. It is Christmas again- yet it doesn't feel like it. Tomorrow will be my last day in the military- I being administratively discharged to not meeting fitness standards. To me- biggest failure of my life. Yet maybe this is God opening a door of a different opprotunity.
the past 2.5 years that me nd my husband have been together has bee the hardest 2.5 years of my life... yet somehow we are still a strong married couple. Every mountain we conquer TOGETHER we grow stronger... Even though i take my anger and frustration out on him- he seems to magically understand. I have been blessed with an incredible husband.
Our sweet little boy... He is strong and smiles so much. Some days I think it is the only reason that i dont just sit around all day. Amazing the affect such a little person can have on you.
So the job search is on. Life after the military starts... not sure how to do life after military, but it worth a shot right ?
My husband deployed last year in october and came back in april. Our son was almost 7 months old when he returned. It is Christmas again- yet it doesn't feel like it. Tomorrow will be my last day in the military- I being administratively discharged to not meeting fitness standards. To me- biggest failure of my life. Yet maybe this is God opening a door of a different opprotunity.
the past 2.5 years that me nd my husband have been together has bee the hardest 2.5 years of my life... yet somehow we are still a strong married couple. Every mountain we conquer TOGETHER we grow stronger... Even though i take my anger and frustration out on him- he seems to magically understand. I have been blessed with an incredible husband.
Our sweet little boy... He is strong and smiles so much. Some days I think it is the only reason that i dont just sit around all day. Amazing the affect such a little person can have on you.
So the job search is on. Life after the military starts... not sure how to do life after military, but it worth a shot right ?
Friday, December 23, 2011
Joy to the world...
But I have to say... I AM BLESSED! I have two amazing men in my life! about 4 more months and my bestfriend/husband will be home... I pray and hope that every military member away from home this Christmas finds peace and joy- and feels a little bit of the Christmas spirit to fill their hearts!!
Above is a picture of my handsome baby boy, and a recording of me singing a very special song :)
Thursday, November 24, 2011
happy thanksgiving world...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The joy of deployments ending and families being reunited
A friend of mine had the chance to welcome home her husband today. He left for deployment BEFORE their baby girl was born. Today she got to meet her daddy for the first time. She spent 6 months without her husband, and she is helping me get through my 6 months without mine. I fell such joy in my heart for this tiny family- cause there is nothing better than being together. To all the families that have had to welcome home a husband, wife, brother, sister, mom, dad, son, or daughter..... make sure its an amazing welcome home. Let them know how much you missed them. Show them how much you love them. I will be able to experience welcoming home my husband in 4ish months and that will be a joyful day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)