I have an addiction

When someone hears the word "addiction" they think drugs and/or alcohol. So many forget about the addictions that can do the same amount of damage to a person. It took me a long time to finally realize that I have an addiction. Have you evere thought if you have one or not? Are you in denial? It is scary to ome to terms to the fact that you are not helping yourself.

What is my addiction? Well I have more than one- all in the same catergory- FOOD

I am addicted to:
Fast Food
Soda
Candy
Cookies
Cakes
all kinds of sweets....

For a few weeks (ok more like a month or more) I was spending money at the Burger King here on base and getting  a Double Stacker, with a large fry, and a large Dr. Pepper. I couldn't help myself. We have food in the house- plenty to make whatever I want- but I coulnd't go without it- so I thought. But today I did not get fast food.
Soda is hard to not drink- I need to drnk more water... but that is easier said than done. For some reason I can drink a juice, tea, coffee, milk, water- ANYTHING- but my craving is always there. But today I did not have a soda.
Candy, cookies, all those sweet yummy tasty goodies- get me every time. Today candy won. We have begun to not even buy sweets of any kind- but I just feel like I NEED it.

Some may say this is too silly to call an addiction. Well the definition of addiction is:
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming

I am pretty sure that I have a addiction. My addicton is real- and while it may not be life threatening righ now- in ten years it might be.
My husband tries so very hard to help me with my issue. We are trying to be better with finances and my spending on sweets, soda, and fastfood can add up. So not only am I trying to take control but I want to save money too.

And though my addiction got the best of me today- tomorrow it won't.

I am OBESE
I have trouble CHASING AFTER MY TWO YEAR OLD
I HURT every day
I CRAVE the bad stuff

I want to be HEALTHY
I want to RUN after my little man
I want to BE A BETTER ME!

Their Reality vs My Reality___perfection isnt everything

I have come to the conclusion that I am amazing at making plans and SAYING I am going to lose wieght and be better with anything and everything.

What people say my reality should be:
A happy 2 yr old- no health issues at all- not even a cold
A smart 2 yr old- I should be teaching him multiplication by now
I shoul have a spotless house- I should be able to lick the floor
The car and truck- should look brand new
I should be 125 lbs
I should be motivated
I should have a job on top of school and having a little one and husband.
I shouldnt mention I was in the military- cause lets face it- I dont look I have served a day in my life.
Looks are everything- dont EVER leave the house is an oversized sweater and sweatpants
4.0 gpa- nothing less

My reality is:
I cant find motivation. I know what I need to do- just cant get myself there. I hear from others "it's easy" "you just do it"... Sounds simple right? It isn't always that easy. I know I have a lot to live for- losing wieght can help prolong the length of time I am here on this earth- However- making me feel horrible because I obviously "don't want to be able to keep up with my child"- that solves nothing. BTW I still wiegh over 200lbs... but I did lose 5lbs in the past few months- a small difference is better than nothing.

My reality is:
I have piles of dirty clothes- that when they get cleaned- never end up getting put away. I have dirty dishes sitting in my sink. No excuse for my house not being spotless- I get it- I can be a sucky housewife... But the couch and food and soda and movies sound better than standing on my feet and walking up and down the stairs. Sounds pathetic right? I agree. I am trying to slowly get rid of this fastfood and soda craving I have ALL THE TIME.

My reality is:
My son has asthma, he attends daycare, he is a brilliant angel- with a temper to go with being 2 yrs old. I am sorry if he screams in the store- stare harder- see if I care. I have seen that little boy bring out the best in people- so how you feel about him right now is pointless- he is amazing.

My reality is:
i dont have a 4.0 gpa- I have a 3.6 gpa- I am on the honor roll. I am proud of myself- so kiss my butt

My reality is:
I may not LOOK like I was ever in the military- but talk to me. I am proud to have served and will NEVER keep that in. The chance to wear the unifom for 4 years- priceless.


I am trying to remmber that even though others have this "reality" for me- it doesn't mean I HAVE to be apart of it. I love my husband, I love my son- and I am struggling with the drive and motivation to GET MOVING. I have a bad temper(just ask the hubs! haha) I am a full time student- and I am getting better grades than I thought I could.

Somedays- like today- I find it hard to get out of the house and DO something. But I have a friends dog to take for  a walk- which means I will be taking a walk and helping a friend. It is a plus for me, my friend, and her dog. It isnt much but it is something. So I am making to elaborate PLAN to be a better me. I am taking it one day at a time. I may not clean today- but today I got out of the house. Tomorrow- I might struggle to just get off the couch- But I will take on that fight tomorrow.

I feel the need to send a shout out to the most amazing hsuband ever. He puts up with my temper and criticism... He loves me- even though I am a chunky gal. He is an incredible dad. He is my rock <3

I am working on today- tomorrow can wait!